I'd like to share my now COMPLETED journey of P90X Doubles.
It was, for lack of a better word, INCREDIABLE. I have never worked as hard as I have the last 3 1/2 months. The sweat, the injuries, the tears....every bit was worth it. I'm well on my way back to the body I want.
After being sick for most of 6mths, I got it in my head that positive thinking can be a real boost to getting better. Not just mentally, but health wise as well. So that's what I started doing. Trying to find the postivie in every negative. As I started to do that, I noticed that my energy levels rose, and that my love for working out was also coming back. I changed what I was eating, and then my biggest decision, I threw caution to the wind and started a round of Doubles.
Doubles (if you don't know) is when you do 2 P90X workouts 4 days out of the week and 1 workout the other 2 days. I was in love from the first day. I had to start by doing all the pushups on my knees. That's how bad I'd become. And even those were hard. The heaviest weight I was using was 5 pounders. I was weak, weak, weak....but knew if I could just keep going, I'd make it.
That first month was HARD. And ugly. I had ended up with two huge pockets of fat on my back/love handle area. I applty named them Chips Ahoy and Oreo. I'm sure you can guess why. I had not strength in my abs or my arms....and my legs were covered in cottage cheese. I was a sad sight. The pushup were murder, the pullup were practically undoable, and the squats were tearing up my knee. But I was undeterred. I needed to do this to prove to myself and others that I could/can rank up there with the big boys.
My knee felt horrible the entire first month. But I didn't let it stop me this time. I now know it wasn't from the injury I had, but from not working it and losing the strength in it that i'd built up. *facepalm* I should have know that.
Second month was ugly too.....but by the end of that phase I was doing soo much better. I'd also gotten Hip Hop Abs in the mail.....that would come into play in Phase 3.
Phase 3 was ugly yet awesome. I subbed in Hip Hop Abs for my second workout a lot. There was only so much Cardio X that I could before I went crazy bored. I loved/love how much fun HHA is. It helped get me over the hump of this last phase.
Went to DragonCon and had a BLAST!!! Saw some of you (Peter/Mark/DaVe/JP/Daniel) and marched in the parade with the TCF as Six. Did I look as good as last year?? Frak no. Did I look a hundred times better then I did 3 months before....HELL YES!!!! Wore my Spartan costume on Sunday, and enjoyed hanging with LegionCub. Have booked my room for next year.
Came home and have finished up the last two weeks. I ended up getting sick, but I didn't let it get me down, I just rode it out and when I got better got right back to it
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Wil Wheaton
Ok, so I watched Season 3 of The Guild yesterday, and finally realized something. I've had this thought in the back of mind that my old college friend Lee looked like someone famous. And yesterday I FINALLY realized who. He looks like Wil Wheaton!!!! But, I'll let you decide for yourself.
This is Lee and his wife Rayne.
Not the best picture, but I see it.....anybody else? Or am I losing my mind here???
Friday, August 6, 2010
Been quite awhile....
Well, I let this slide by didn't I??? Ugh. Let's see, what has been happening with me...... I believe the Dr. and I have finally got my meds figured out. Which is wonderful. The only issue is when I run out or happen to miss a day...then I get all whacked out and suicidal. I've been staying fairly healthy. No major illnesses recently, well...until today. Now I've got a nasty cough.
I'll be headed to Dragon Con in a month. I've spent the last 2 months doing a round of P90X Doubles to try and get back into Spartan shape. Though I won't be with the group this year, I do want to represent, and maybe inspire some other girls to get out there and get healthy too. I love to workout again. And this past week, my sweet friend Becky Smith, sent me the Hip Hop Abs dvds. OMG it is suck fun!!!!! I'm having the best time with it. Who knows...I might even learn to dance. I did do the FREAK yesterday....woohoo!!!! lol
My kids are growing and learning new things everyday. My son has blown me away this summer with all the new things and words he is able to do and say. He now calls me Mommy which makes me the happiest mom in the whole world. My Doodle has found the Lego games on the Wii and has fallen in love with them. She plays them all. I believe she's gonna be my little gamer girl. :)
We have a new addition to our family. A little cat we named Kit-Kat. She was left for dead at our church and we rescued her. Now we just need to get her some Soft Claws and we'll all be happier. LOL
Can't wait to see my friends at D*Con. Though there will be quite a few that won't be going this year, and that saddens me. I still need to lose about 10lbs to fit into my short red Six dress, but I believe in myself that I can do it. :) See....look how my attitude has changed!!! There are a few people I want to thank for helping me start seeing myself in a better light. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm a damn far long way from what I was!!!!! Let's see....Marc Martinez, Becky Smith, Bryan, Julia Steed, Rich Rosato, Kristian Allen, Rachel Ridley, Kelly Tracey, Keith Lingerfelt, Melanie Lingerfelt, Sherri King, Laura Broadway, Corey Smith, John Brown, Tom Brink, Emily Gaskins, Lee Ann Schwinberg, Brian Zimmer, Joey Eller, Kelly Greco, JD, Kristian Allen again, and last but really first my mom. I'm sure I forgot some names, but these people have really done their best to listen to me, and help me find the light back to the woman I want to be. Thanks you guys/gals. You have NO idea how much you all mean to me.
I'll be doing my best to get back into doing this more regularly. I actually enjoy jotting down my thoughts and feelings on occassion. Specially now that I've got more good thoughts than bad ones. :)
Love life and live strong.
I'll be headed to Dragon Con in a month. I've spent the last 2 months doing a round of P90X Doubles to try and get back into Spartan shape. Though I won't be with the group this year, I do want to represent, and maybe inspire some other girls to get out there and get healthy too. I love to workout again. And this past week, my sweet friend Becky Smith, sent me the Hip Hop Abs dvds. OMG it is suck fun!!!!! I'm having the best time with it. Who knows...I might even learn to dance. I did do the FREAK yesterday....woohoo!!!! lol
My kids are growing and learning new things everyday. My son has blown me away this summer with all the new things and words he is able to do and say. He now calls me Mommy which makes me the happiest mom in the whole world. My Doodle has found the Lego games on the Wii and has fallen in love with them. She plays them all. I believe she's gonna be my little gamer girl. :)
We have a new addition to our family. A little cat we named Kit-Kat. She was left for dead at our church and we rescued her. Now we just need to get her some Soft Claws and we'll all be happier. LOL
Can't wait to see my friends at D*Con. Though there will be quite a few that won't be going this year, and that saddens me. I still need to lose about 10lbs to fit into my short red Six dress, but I believe in myself that I can do it. :) See....look how my attitude has changed!!! There are a few people I want to thank for helping me start seeing myself in a better light. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm a damn far long way from what I was!!!!! Let's see....Marc Martinez, Becky Smith, Bryan, Julia Steed, Rich Rosato, Kristian Allen, Rachel Ridley, Kelly Tracey, Keith Lingerfelt, Melanie Lingerfelt, Sherri King, Laura Broadway, Corey Smith, John Brown, Tom Brink, Emily Gaskins, Lee Ann Schwinberg, Brian Zimmer, Joey Eller, Kelly Greco, JD, Kristian Allen again, and last but really first my mom. I'm sure I forgot some names, but these people have really done their best to listen to me, and help me find the light back to the woman I want to be. Thanks you guys/gals. You have NO idea how much you all mean to me.
I'll be doing my best to get back into doing this more regularly. I actually enjoy jotting down my thoughts and feelings on occassion. Specially now that I've got more good thoughts than bad ones. :)
Love life and live strong.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Day something
So I'm sick....again. But this time I'm not depressed about it. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm striving to get better and get back to working out. I really miss my workouts. I can take that hour or so and focus on myself. It helps center my mind. And a centered mind is a good thing. :)
So less than 100 days until D*Con. I'm excited yet sad. This time last year I was so focused on my goal, and excited for costuming with my 300dc friends. But I won't be costuming with them this year. As I was cleaning the other day I came upon my Spartan stuff, and it was sooo bittersweet. I had such a good time, and then it all came crashing down.....it really makes me sad. I miss my friends that I made (even though I try and keep up with them through FB and Twitter) but it's not the same. I miss competing with Peter and Mark on the challenges, and pushing them to be bigger and badder. I feel at loose ends. To be part of a group at DCon for the first time was awesome. I've wondered around the Con alone for so many years, it was really nice to have a "family" to hang with. Now this year I'm not sure what's gonna happen.
But of course good came out of it all too. I wouldn't have met Kristian or JD or Marc without being in the group, and I'm not sure I woulda been goaded into getting fit without it either. Still...bittersweet how it all ended for me. blah
We'll be headed up to Clarkesville on Monday. YAY!!! Gonna get to celebrate my birthday with my mom!!!!! ANd....hopefully get to see some of my friends too. And...maybe some new hair. You know I can't stand to have the same hair for long. :P I'm ready to get outa this town. It sucks the life right outa you. Then....when we get back, I'll looking to try and see a band a friend of mine is in on June 18th. Of course, it'll be a miracle if I actually get to go, but I'm gonna try. I want to be a better friend...and mother. And to be so I've gotta put myself out there and stretch my limits.
So, here's to a summer of growing, getting stronger, and love.
So less than 100 days until D*Con. I'm excited yet sad. This time last year I was so focused on my goal, and excited for costuming with my 300dc friends. But I won't be costuming with them this year. As I was cleaning the other day I came upon my Spartan stuff, and it was sooo bittersweet. I had such a good time, and then it all came crashing down.....it really makes me sad. I miss my friends that I made (even though I try and keep up with them through FB and Twitter) but it's not the same. I miss competing with Peter and Mark on the challenges, and pushing them to be bigger and badder. I feel at loose ends. To be part of a group at DCon for the first time was awesome. I've wondered around the Con alone for so many years, it was really nice to have a "family" to hang with. Now this year I'm not sure what's gonna happen.
But of course good came out of it all too. I wouldn't have met Kristian or JD or Marc without being in the group, and I'm not sure I woulda been goaded into getting fit without it either. Still...bittersweet how it all ended for me. blah
We'll be headed up to Clarkesville on Monday. YAY!!! Gonna get to celebrate my birthday with my mom!!!!! ANd....hopefully get to see some of my friends too. And...maybe some new hair. You know I can't stand to have the same hair for long. :P I'm ready to get outa this town. It sucks the life right outa you. Then....when we get back, I'll looking to try and see a band a friend of mine is in on June 18th. Of course, it'll be a miracle if I actually get to go, but I'm gonna try. I want to be a better friend...and mother. And to be so I've gotta put myself out there and stretch my limits.
So, here's to a summer of growing, getting stronger, and love.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 19
When did the world forget to stop and taste the food we're eating? We no longer enjoy what we eat. It's whatever is fastest and cheapest. In alot of cases we don't have the TIME to enjoy what we eat. We have to cram the food down as fast as possible because we only have 30mins to eat, go to the bathroom, and anything else that needs to be done.
I caught myself doing this recently. I was eating a Chips Ahoy cookie (yes I know...bad FA) and I wasn't even tasting it. I was shoving it in my mouth and already reaching for the next one. No wonder I can't get any weight off. If I'd just stopped and enjoyed the cookie in my mouth, I know I'd eat less. So I did that. I slowly ate one more cookie, and OMG...it was soooo good. The different flavors that mix in my mouth. The different textures. I fully enjoyed that cookie, and didn't need 10 more just to get that taste. More isn't the key to fullness, it's enjoying the bite in your mouth. This all sounded alot more clear in my head, but I've never said I was a writer. :P
I've been working out, but my eating is still sporadic. I've been put on ANOTHER med to help with a side effect of the other one. So again I 'm having to get used to it. I'm loving my workouts, and every day I feel better and better.
I caught myself doing this recently. I was eating a Chips Ahoy cookie (yes I know...bad FA) and I wasn't even tasting it. I was shoving it in my mouth and already reaching for the next one. No wonder I can't get any weight off. If I'd just stopped and enjoyed the cookie in my mouth, I know I'd eat less. So I did that. I slowly ate one more cookie, and OMG...it was soooo good. The different flavors that mix in my mouth. The different textures. I fully enjoyed that cookie, and didn't need 10 more just to get that taste. More isn't the key to fullness, it's enjoying the bite in your mouth. This all sounded alot more clear in my head, but I've never said I was a writer. :P
I've been working out, but my eating is still sporadic. I've been put on ANOTHER med to help with a side effect of the other one. So again I 'm having to get used to it. I'm loving my workouts, and every day I feel better and better.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 18
Ok, I've been blog slack. Sorry everyone. I've been super busy with life, kids, and working out. From chaperoning pre-k fieldtrips, to playing chauffer for my entire family. LOL. I've started a new round of P90X and I'm enjoying every moment of it. Even the pain the next day, it just proves that I'm doing something. And let me tell ya, I'm in such a better place in my mind that I'm oozing contentment.
Colin is saying new words everyday. I'm a very proud momma. His school is helping so much, and I'm glad to know he'll be having the same teacher next year. Not only is he saying words, but he's proving that he understands what is happening. It's small things, but it's more than he has been showing.
Laurana is .....ummmm.......AWESOME. She's addicted to Lego: Indiana Jones and Avatar: Last of the Airbenders. We had a wonderful time together when her class went to the strawberry patch to pick strawberries. We don't get that must just girl time anymore. So I'm thinking she really enjoyed the attention. She's sooo smart it's scary sometimes. And she now knows that my feet are ticklish......not good...LOL
There are still things I wish were different. Like having more friends close by to hang with. But I'm doing ok with that now. I AM bummed about not getting to go to Universal Studios on Friday. Hanging with Bryan with no kids, riding grownup rides, and most importantly...seeing Kristian. *whine whine whine* I soooo wanted to see him. Phone calls and texts are great, but I haven't seen him in 8mths...and that is way tooo long.
Still need to finalize what new costume to do for DragonCon. My short list is.... Black Widow, Green Lantern girl, Susan storm, Baroness, or an Earthbender. Any other ideas or comments on this would be greatly appreciated.
Colin is saying new words everyday. I'm a very proud momma. His school is helping so much, and I'm glad to know he'll be having the same teacher next year. Not only is he saying words, but he's proving that he understands what is happening. It's small things, but it's more than he has been showing.
Laurana is .....ummmm.......AWESOME. She's addicted to Lego: Indiana Jones and Avatar: Last of the Airbenders. We had a wonderful time together when her class went to the strawberry patch to pick strawberries. We don't get that must just girl time anymore. So I'm thinking she really enjoyed the attention. She's sooo smart it's scary sometimes. And she now knows that my feet are ticklish......not good...LOL
There are still things I wish were different. Like having more friends close by to hang with. But I'm doing ok with that now. I AM bummed about not getting to go to Universal Studios on Friday. Hanging with Bryan with no kids, riding grownup rides, and most importantly...seeing Kristian. *whine whine whine* I soooo wanted to see him. Phone calls and texts are great, but I haven't seen him in 8mths...and that is way tooo long.
Still need to finalize what new costume to do for DragonCon. My short list is.... Black Widow, Green Lantern girl, Susan storm, Baroness, or an Earthbender. Any other ideas or comments on this would be greatly appreciated.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 17
I feel fan-frakkin'-tastic. I'm thinking that there is a true link between me not working out and my depression. I've been really hitting it the past couple of weeks, and my mind and body haven't felt this good in ages. Well....my legs are in pain....and my abs....but it's a good pain. lol.
I'll be posting again about my son and his test results when I have the test scores in my hand. But I can tell you that he has been formally diagnosed with autisim.
I'll be posting again about my son and his test results when I have the test scores in my hand. But I can tell you that he has been formally diagnosed with autisim.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Day 16
Wowzers, I'm being really lame on my blog. I'll try to do better....I promise.
I did P90 Sweat 1-2 w/ AR100 yesterday. No side stitch (thank goodness) and really worked hard to isolate my abs during the ab ripper. Then today I did P90 Sculpt 3-4. That's right guys, I upped the ante and did a 3-4 workout. I needed to push myself, and I felt it at the end of the workout. Yay for pushing yourself!!!!! I'll be doing Sweat 3-4 tomorrow.
A friend of mine's sister passed away yesterday. It was expected, but still, you can never truely prepare yourself for the death of a loved one. Once again cancer has struck. I hate cancer.
I'm pms'ing to the extreme. Any little thing is setting me off. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Went to the crazy doctor yesterday and she's upped my meds. The way I've been feeling of late, just isn't good. I did tell her that I'm back to working out, and cleaning up my diet, and she said that would help things for sure. But she wanted to up my meds to even things out while my body adjusts. If it'll help the depression and crazy mood swings, I'm all for it. And it should also help my pms.............maybe next month....LOL.
I'm up to date on Spartacus: Blood and Sand now. And all I can say about it is HOLY WOW!!! It is fantastic. I've gotta say I didn't like it so much when it first started, but after about episode 3 it really picked up and was getting good. Then after episode 6.....just wow. I'm praying for the lead star Andy. He has non-hodgkin's lymphoma. Again....cancer. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I did P90 Sweat 1-2 w/ AR100 yesterday. No side stitch (thank goodness) and really worked hard to isolate my abs during the ab ripper. Then today I did P90 Sculpt 3-4. That's right guys, I upped the ante and did a 3-4 workout. I needed to push myself, and I felt it at the end of the workout. Yay for pushing yourself!!!!! I'll be doing Sweat 3-4 tomorrow.
A friend of mine's sister passed away yesterday. It was expected, but still, you can never truely prepare yourself for the death of a loved one. Once again cancer has struck. I hate cancer.
I'm pms'ing to the extreme. Any little thing is setting me off. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Went to the crazy doctor yesterday and she's upped my meds. The way I've been feeling of late, just isn't good. I did tell her that I'm back to working out, and cleaning up my diet, and she said that would help things for sure. But she wanted to up my meds to even things out while my body adjusts. If it'll help the depression and crazy mood swings, I'm all for it. And it should also help my pms.............maybe next month....LOL.
I'm up to date on Spartacus: Blood and Sand now. And all I can say about it is HOLY WOW!!! It is fantastic. I've gotta say I didn't like it so much when it first started, but after about episode 3 it really picked up and was getting good. Then after episode 6.....just wow. I'm praying for the lead star Andy. He has non-hodgkin's lymphoma. Again....cancer. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Day 15
Can't believe I forgot to post yesterday. Oops. On the workout front, I did P90 Sweat 1-2 w/ AR100. Today, I warmed up with a 1 mile walk/jog (more jog than walk WOOHOO). The brought it with P90 Sculpt 1-2. Owie.....but good owie.
I'm pms'ing right now and find myself having major ups and downs. But thankfully more ups than downs. And I've figured out a way to stop myself when I get crazy mad.....I just go lay down. I actually realized yesterday that I was ranting about something of no concern, stopped myself, and just said....I'm gonna go lay down. And that's what I did. It worked....and I ended up taking a much needed nap.
I've decided to structure my workouts. I'll be doing it at 10am 6 days a week. I used to workout late at night, but I've found recently that that hindered my abilitly to go to sleep. So I'm trying out mid morning and see how that goes. So far, it's been great. Both kids are at school so I have the house to myself. It's alot more pleasent to workout without having to dodge kids.
Today is the day we're going to fill our fridge with healthy foods. Looks like I'll be cooking again....BOOOO. lol. I just wish there were more recipes for people who can't eat seafood. Eating chicken all the time gets OLD. So if anyone has good healthy recipes for none seafood food, it would be greatly appreciated!!!
And on a sour note....I'm Netflixing my way through True Blood....and not enjoying it very much. I just watched Season 1 Episode 4, and the only thing I'm really enjoying is Sam....and now Eric. But I do see the actors getting more comfortable in their roles. I will continue to watch, I've just gotta seperate the show from the books. I love the books.
I'm pms'ing right now and find myself having major ups and downs. But thankfully more ups than downs. And I've figured out a way to stop myself when I get crazy mad.....I just go lay down. I actually realized yesterday that I was ranting about something of no concern, stopped myself, and just said....I'm gonna go lay down. And that's what I did. It worked....and I ended up taking a much needed nap.
I've decided to structure my workouts. I'll be doing it at 10am 6 days a week. I used to workout late at night, but I've found recently that that hindered my abilitly to go to sleep. So I'm trying out mid morning and see how that goes. So far, it's been great. Both kids are at school so I have the house to myself. It's alot more pleasent to workout without having to dodge kids.
Today is the day we're going to fill our fridge with healthy foods. Looks like I'll be cooking again....BOOOO. lol. I just wish there were more recipes for people who can't eat seafood. Eating chicken all the time gets OLD. So if anyone has good healthy recipes for none seafood food, it would be greatly appreciated!!!
And on a sour note....I'm Netflixing my way through True Blood....and not enjoying it very much. I just watched Season 1 Episode 4, and the only thing I'm really enjoying is Sam....and now Eric. But I do see the actors getting more comfortable in their roles. I will continue to watch, I've just gotta seperate the show from the books. I love the books.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Day 14
Well, I've been on vacation the past week. If you can really call it that. Sunday April 4 was of course Easter Sunday. That (for us) means sunrise service. And considering that our church is 40min drive away, that made for an EXTRA early morning. Then packing and more packing and then a movie 2012....alright movie....but not the best. Then we headed up to Griffin on Monday. We spent the evening with my mother-in-law, and go up extra early to get on te road to Atlanta. WE took Colin up to Atlanta to the Marcus Institute to get him assessed for Autism. He did SOOOOO GOOD!!!!! We go back on the 20th to get the results. But to say the least...it was a long day for the three of us. Laurana had stayed with her granny.....so she got to sleep late...LOL.
From there we headed to my mom's house in Clarkesville. Let's just say....it made me homesick. Beautiful weather, hanging with my mom, playing at Demorest park, hanging with my mom.....yeah.....it was THE MOST fun. We didn't get to stay nearly long enough. The only thing to mare it was the kids not sleeping well at night. I feel like I hadn't slept all week. So now, I'm ready for my vacation...LOL.
I haven't worked out at all this past week. And I have eaten everything in sight. I don't know what's wrong with me...I'm eating EVERYTHING. Well, everything bad. Chocolate, salty stuff, hamburgers, pizza, and at the moment I'm craving Taco Bell like it's cocaine. WTF????
But tomorrow brings a new day. I'm setting a schedule for myself workout wise. And everything else wise as well. So people...help keep me accountable. Not only to my workouts, but to my blog as well.....I've missed writing here. I'll try to even write what I've eaten....I hate doing that. But I will try. Even the bad stuff that sneak their way in. :P
From there we headed to my mom's house in Clarkesville. Let's just say....it made me homesick. Beautiful weather, hanging with my mom, playing at Demorest park, hanging with my mom.....yeah.....it was THE MOST fun. We didn't get to stay nearly long enough. The only thing to mare it was the kids not sleeping well at night. I feel like I hadn't slept all week. So now, I'm ready for my vacation...LOL.
I haven't worked out at all this past week. And I have eaten everything in sight. I don't know what's wrong with me...I'm eating EVERYTHING. Well, everything bad. Chocolate, salty stuff, hamburgers, pizza, and at the moment I'm craving Taco Bell like it's cocaine. WTF????
But tomorrow brings a new day. I'm setting a schedule for myself workout wise. And everything else wise as well. So people...help keep me accountable. Not only to my workouts, but to my blog as well.....I've missed writing here. I'll try to even write what I've eaten....I hate doing that. But I will try. Even the bad stuff that sneak their way in. :P
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Day 13
I love the number 13. It's my second favorite number. My very favorite is 3. It's been 3 since a was really little. Dale Murphy's number was 3 and I adored him!!!! So whenever I played a sport, I'd try to be #3. And if I couldn't be that I'd want 13 or 33. Anyway....just a little tidbit about me. :)
Didn't workout yesterday, but still had a good day. I faced MY fears and chaperoned Laurana's Easter Party field trip. It went really well. I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. All the other mom's knew each other and were grouped together talking. So I just kinda sat by myself and watched Laurana play. I did talk to her teacher and learned she's being moved up to the higher reading class!!! Woohoo!!!! Half a year of school and she's outlearning alot of the kids that have been there the whole year. WAY TO GO DOODLE!!!
I'm addicted to the show Lie To Me. It's soooooooo good. And now I find myself watching peoples faces and body language. You better watch out if you lie to me these days people...at least if you do it in person...lol
I'm also loving Spartacus: Blood and Sand. I only started watching it because my friend Matt was gonna be in some of the later episodes, but once I started....you can't STOP watching it. Though I have to sneek it in after the kids are in bed due to all the blood and naked people. I am glad to know that Matt will not be one of said naked people. Not sure I coulda looked him OR his lovely wife Kristy in the eye if he had been...hehehe. Love my NZ friends!!!
Took yesterday as my rest day. Enjoy spending the day with my family. Easter festivities in full swing!
Today brought P90 Sweat 1-2 w/AR100. For some reason I'm getting a really bad stitch in my side during run lunges. This is the second time it's happened. Today I took a short 2min break and downed half a bottle of water, stretched a tiny bit and got right back to it. Is that the right thing to do???
Didn't workout yesterday, but still had a good day. I faced MY fears and chaperoned Laurana's Easter Party field trip. It went really well. I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. All the other mom's knew each other and were grouped together talking. So I just kinda sat by myself and watched Laurana play. I did talk to her teacher and learned she's being moved up to the higher reading class!!! Woohoo!!!! Half a year of school and she's outlearning alot of the kids that have been there the whole year. WAY TO GO DOODLE!!!
I'm addicted to the show Lie To Me. It's soooooooo good. And now I find myself watching peoples faces and body language. You better watch out if you lie to me these days people...at least if you do it in person...lol
I'm also loving Spartacus: Blood and Sand. I only started watching it because my friend Matt was gonna be in some of the later episodes, but once I started....you can't STOP watching it. Though I have to sneek it in after the kids are in bed due to all the blood and naked people. I am glad to know that Matt will not be one of said naked people. Not sure I coulda looked him OR his lovely wife Kristy in the eye if he had been...hehehe. Love my NZ friends!!!
Took yesterday as my rest day. Enjoy spending the day with my family. Easter festivities in full swing!
Today brought P90 Sweat 1-2 w/AR100. For some reason I'm getting a really bad stitch in my side during run lunges. This is the second time it's happened. Today I took a short 2min break and downed half a bottle of water, stretched a tiny bit and got right back to it. Is that the right thing to do???
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Day 12
I've been all about working out the past couple of days. I'm reallllllllly enjoying it. Today was P90 Sculpt 1-2. I need to get some heavier weights, but for now I'm just rocking out as many reps as I feel I can. I might go ahead and jump up to Sculpt 3-4. My arms are popping back FAST. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm feeling stronger already. And....I'm greasin' the groove as well. Which is the way I say, I'm popping out pull-ups whenever I happen to pass underneath my pull-up bar. Which is hanging between my living room and kitchen. So far, I'm back up too two consecutive pull-ups. WOOHOO!!!! lol
Emotionally I feel better than I have in a lonnnnnnnng time. Coming up on Spring Break week where we get to go see Bryan's mom and my mom and also take Colin to the Marcus Institute. We've waited 9mths to get an appointment, so to finally get up there and get him looked at....I'm thrilled. Any help we can get is appreciated.
Also...tomorrow is Autism awareness day. To help spread the word about this disease, wear blue. Let's let people know that this is growing every day. More and more kids are being diagnosed, and the help just isn't out there like it needs to be. You shouldn't have to wait 9mths to get an appt. Ok...off my soapbox....for now...LOL
Oh...and Nathan Fillion has said today, that there WILL be a prequel made of Firefly.
April Fool's :D
Emotionally I feel better than I have in a lonnnnnnnng time. Coming up on Spring Break week where we get to go see Bryan's mom and my mom and also take Colin to the Marcus Institute. We've waited 9mths to get an appointment, so to finally get up there and get him looked at....I'm thrilled. Any help we can get is appreciated.
Also...tomorrow is Autism awareness day. To help spread the word about this disease, wear blue. Let's let people know that this is growing every day. More and more kids are being diagnosed, and the help just isn't out there like it needs to be. You shouldn't have to wait 9mths to get an appt. Ok...off my soapbox....for now...LOL
Oh...and Nathan Fillion has said today, that there WILL be a prequel made of Firefly.
April Fool's :D
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day 11 part 2
Workout DONE. Felt good to get right back into the swing of things, no matter how tired I am today. P90 Sweat 1-2 w/ AR100. I got the WORST pain in my side at the first set of run lunges. OMG, I could not get it to loosen up. I've never had a stitch that bad before. I was in the floor it was hurting so bad. After getting it to stretch out a lil', I just jumped right up and got right back to it. Good sweat, dodging kids added a little something extra, and had to add in a couple of "mommy, my tummy hurts....and mommy, I've gotta poopoo". For me, that's just part of working out at home.
I am having that wonderfully happy feeling this time. I'm tired, I'm loopy, but I feel frakkin' GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!! Now to get my nutrition under control, and I'll be back to fighting the good fight.
ARE YOU READY TO BRING IT??????!!!!!!
I am having that wonderfully happy feeling this time. I'm tired, I'm loopy, but I feel frakkin' GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!! Now to get my nutrition under control, and I'll be back to fighting the good fight.
ARE YOU READY TO BRING IT??????!!!!!!
Day 11
Took a couple of days off blogging, only to be hit with another sickness in the house. Noticed Colin wasn't acting quite right yesterday morning, but didn't realize something was bad wrong till he climbed onto my lap at church. He was burning up. So we got him home and gave him some meds and he went to sleep. I kept a close eye on him, but at 11pm his fever shot up too 104. So we made the decision to take him to the ER. When they took his temp there, it was 104.6.Diagnoses: Ear Infection. We got a great nurse and a wonderful Dr. and were in and out of the ER at Smith/Northview in about an hour.
Two shots and a suppository later, we left. I pulled out the sofa bed so I could sleep with him to keep a better eye on him. His fever broke at about 5am, but he's still one sick kiddo. So, keeping him home from school (of course) and watching and waiting.
Again, just when I think our family is getting healthy, something like this happens. BLAH!!! I'm sooooo tired, but also know that working out will actually make me feel better. So I plan on getting a workout in today. I took the last 2 days off to spend some quality time with my family. We needed that time together.
Two shots and a suppository later, we left. I pulled out the sofa bed so I could sleep with him to keep a better eye on him. His fever broke at about 5am, but he's still one sick kiddo. So, keeping him home from school (of course) and watching and waiting.
Again, just when I think our family is getting healthy, something like this happens. BLAH!!! I'm sooooo tired, but also know that working out will actually make me feel better. So I plan on getting a workout in today. I took the last 2 days off to spend some quality time with my family. We needed that time together.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day 10
P90 Sculpt 1-2 done. I really have to get bigger weights to do my arms. I've lost alot of the strength I had, but already my muscles are starting to perk up. I'd gotten so used to the P90X arms & shoulders routine, that this one felt really short. I feel like I coulda done alot more....but slow and steady is my goal right now. Work myself back up to going flat out.
Feel pretty good after this workout. Still not that jubilant feeling, but getting better. Coming off the week of "womens stuff" helps...LOL. Been really tired today, and didn't get much of anything done. Of course that could be because I was most busy reading High Noon by Nora Roberts. Pretty good book....but it has taken me FOREVER to read it. I can usually read a book that size in 1-2 days. I've been on this one almost 2 weeks. BAH!!!
Hmmmm....maybe I can turn this blog into a book review too....I love love love to read and talk books, so why the heck not. I can't be depressed all the time, right???
Feel pretty good after this workout. Still not that jubilant feeling, but getting better. Coming off the week of "womens stuff" helps...LOL. Been really tired today, and didn't get much of anything done. Of course that could be because I was most busy reading High Noon by Nora Roberts. Pretty good book....but it has taken me FOREVER to read it. I can usually read a book that size in 1-2 days. I've been on this one almost 2 weeks. BAH!!!
Hmmmm....maybe I can turn this blog into a book review too....I love love love to read and talk books, so why the heck not. I can't be depressed all the time, right???
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 9
Wow...been an interesting day. Very emotional for me. Lots of ups and downs. Not the way I really enjoy spending a day. Almost felt manic-depressive. But......on a fantastic note, I worked out today!!!! Woohoo!!!!! It wasn't pretty, but it got done. And I took pics. My Day 1 pics so to speak. Compared to what I was, I'm waaaaaaaaaay outa shape. But not as bad looking as it could be. Let's see if I can figure out how to post them.....
I feel good about having worked out, but I don't have that super happy feeling I'm used to after a workout. It might be that I just have alot on mind today, or stress, or other crap.....I don't know.
There's other stuff happening that makes me sad. But really not interested in talking about it. So instead I'll talk about mundane things like really not liking the movie G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. I was really disappointed in it. I actually fell asleep, which is something I DO NOT do during movies.
I'm also dealing with another breakout of acne. I've had acne since I was in the 5th grade. And I thought by this point in my life I would be acne free. NOT!!!! I've done every treatment there is, and the only thing that halfway worked was ProActive. But I just couldn't afford to keep up the order. It's so frustrating. And embarrassing. I'm 31 and I have adolescent acne. This does NOT help my self-confidence at all. I feel fat and have pimples all over my face. Not to mention my chest and back. It's sliding it's way down my body...EEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day 8
I liked myself today. Haven't done that in a long time. Woke up with energy, ready to start the day. I ate solid food, and actually drank a coffee. Mmmmmmmmmmm coffee!!!!! My mind was at peace today. Well, all the way up till I realized I forgot to take my crazy pill last night. EEK!!! But even still, I had a really good day.
Looks like I might be starting back to working out tomorrow. Probably something a little slower tempo like P90 Sweat 1-2. See how my body reacts, then onward to my round of P90X Lean. Gotta take it slow though at first. I can NOT allow myself to get sick again. I will try to help that along by going to the doctor next month. Get a full physical and see if there is anything physically wrong with me that could be effecting my depression. And also talk about my continuing stomach issues.
Looks like I might be starting back to working out tomorrow. Probably something a little slower tempo like P90 Sweat 1-2. See how my body reacts, then onward to my round of P90X Lean. Gotta take it slow though at first. I can NOT allow myself to get sick again. I will try to help that along by going to the doctor next month. Get a full physical and see if there is anything physically wrong with me that could be effecting my depression. And also talk about my continuing stomach issues.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 7
Wow....a week of blogging. And what an interesting week it's been. I can tell you, with the PMS and then starting my period, I can conclude that hormones and my depression did not mix well. I'm going to start really counting the days and seeing exactly when I start to sink into depression worse. If it's continually at the time around my period, I'll have more info to give my phyciatrist. And the more info I can give her the better.
I'm feeling ok today. I'm eating my first real food in 3 days at this very moment. My stomach is NOT happy about it. But I can't just continue not eating. The only good thing that's come outa this, is I've lost 6lbs. Of course...not the best way to lose weight.
My spirits are also on the rise today. I was back to my roll of chauffer for the family. My body is weak, and I'm really tired, but I still mentally feel pretty good. So YAY!!!! I'm not gonna push it and workout today, but I think I'm inching toward getting back to it. Another YAY!!!!
On a sad note, the mom of a friend of ours was in a bad car accident today. They think she broke her neck, and the last update we had was she couldn't feel anything below her neck. Someone ran a Stop sign and plowed into her. It seems as though bad things are happening to alot of parents of friends of mine. And I ache for them all.
As I close this for now, the food is NOT sitting well, but I'm praying it stays down. I've got to get the nutrients. And our TV is being taken over by Laurana's favorite shows now....she's fallen for....ANIME.
I'm feeling ok today. I'm eating my first real food in 3 days at this very moment. My stomach is NOT happy about it. But I can't just continue not eating. The only good thing that's come outa this, is I've lost 6lbs. Of course...not the best way to lose weight.
My spirits are also on the rise today. I was back to my roll of chauffer for the family. My body is weak, and I'm really tired, but I still mentally feel pretty good. So YAY!!!! I'm not gonna push it and workout today, but I think I'm inching toward getting back to it. Another YAY!!!!
On a sad note, the mom of a friend of ours was in a bad car accident today. They think she broke her neck, and the last update we had was she couldn't feel anything below her neck. Someone ran a Stop sign and plowed into her. It seems as though bad things are happening to alot of parents of friends of mine. And I ache for them all.
As I close this for now, the food is NOT sitting well, but I'm praying it stays down. I've got to get the nutrients. And our TV is being taken over by Laurana's favorite shows now....she's fallen for....ANIME.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 6
Well, apparently my depressive rants have made people really worry about me. That was never my goal. I'm not suicidal, I'm not gonna harm myself or anyone else, I'm just really really down right now. Though today I'm slightly better.....slightly.
I'm still extremely sick at my stomach. I ate 2 bread sticks and about 4 crackers today, and each time I ate my stomach just rolled and rolled. You can hear the food make it's way down my digestive system. And am dehydrated. Booooooo. I'm trying to keep the fluids going, so I'm hoping THAT doesn't get too bad.
I have some really great friends. And a really great NEW friend. I got several emails, pm's, txts, last night from people worried about me. Again, I never wanted to worry anyone. I'm just trying to get out my feelings and not hold them in. For me, holding my feelings in is very destructive. Much more so than getting them out. Anyway, after talking with several people, I'm set on getting a full out physical after the beginning of the month. Complete with blood tests and a long converstation with the Dr.
Also next month my son FINALLY has an appt with the Marcus Institute. We are going to finally hopefully get a diagnoses for him about his autism. Nothing but good can come of this. Anything to give me ideas of what we need to be doing for him, to grow and live.
I'm still extremely sick at my stomach. I ate 2 bread sticks and about 4 crackers today, and each time I ate my stomach just rolled and rolled. You can hear the food make it's way down my digestive system. And am dehydrated. Booooooo. I'm trying to keep the fluids going, so I'm hoping THAT doesn't get too bad.
I have some really great friends. And a really great NEW friend. I got several emails, pm's, txts, last night from people worried about me. Again, I never wanted to worry anyone. I'm just trying to get out my feelings and not hold them in. For me, holding my feelings in is very destructive. Much more so than getting them out. Anyway, after talking with several people, I'm set on getting a full out physical after the beginning of the month. Complete with blood tests and a long converstation with the Dr.
Also next month my son FINALLY has an appt with the Marcus Institute. We are going to finally hopefully get a diagnoses for him about his autism. Nothing but good can come of this. Anything to give me ideas of what we need to be doing for him, to grow and live.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day 5 part 2
I'm hurt. I'm sitting here on my couch, and my emotions are all over the place. Why do I put myself out there to people? Hell, why am I even doing this. It's all opening me up for more hurt. And I'm tired of being hurt. It just puts my confidence in myself and in others in a box and crushes it. Am I wrong? Are they wrong? I don't know. All I know is what was said made me cry. And I hate crying.
Day 5
Well, didn't throw-up the cake. But honestly, I just don't want to eat now. Even bland stuff makes my stomach roll. BAH. I'm so completely tired of sickness. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I was looking around the net last night, and came upon a photo gallery of pics from DCon that my friend Turo took. He made alot of the pieces of my costume. And he totally rocks. Anyway, as I was looking at them, I was amazed at how good I truely looked. In my eyes, I blended really well with the guys. I just don't see what the big fuss was about.
But let me tell you what it did do. It made me want to get back on the wagon. My body has never looked as good as it did then. And not only that, my confidence was at it's peak. I was holding myself with pride. I've noticed lately that I walk around with slumped shoulders and my head hanging down. I've started wearing baggy clothes again to hide my body. I'm mean here it is the first day of Spring, and I'm terrified of pulling out a pair of shorts. It's truely amazing how much can happen in a year. Last year I was buying new bikini's and this year I'm looking at one pieces with the shorts or skirts.
And to top everything off, I started my period yesterday. In the middle of the frakkin' grocery store. GAH! And, I have sprouted a HUGE zit right next to my right nostril. It hurts soooo bad. Looks like another day spent inside my frakkin' house today. I'm beginning to wonder if there is a world outside these walls.
I was looking around the net last night, and came upon a photo gallery of pics from DCon that my friend Turo took. He made alot of the pieces of my costume. And he totally rocks. Anyway, as I was looking at them, I was amazed at how good I truely looked. In my eyes, I blended really well with the guys. I just don't see what the big fuss was about.
But let me tell you what it did do. It made me want to get back on the wagon. My body has never looked as good as it did then. And not only that, my confidence was at it's peak. I was holding myself with pride. I've noticed lately that I walk around with slumped shoulders and my head hanging down. I've started wearing baggy clothes again to hide my body. I'm mean here it is the first day of Spring, and I'm terrified of pulling out a pair of shorts. It's truely amazing how much can happen in a year. Last year I was buying new bikini's and this year I'm looking at one pieces with the shorts or skirts.
And to top everything off, I started my period yesterday. In the middle of the frakkin' grocery store. GAH! And, I have sprouted a HUGE zit right next to my right nostril. It hurts soooo bad. Looks like another day spent inside my frakkin' house today. I'm beginning to wonder if there is a world outside these walls.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Day 4
Lil' late, but it's getting done. Sick? Yup....that would be me again. Threw-up today. Oh how I hate to throw-up. My sides are soooooo sore from coughing, and now heaving on top of that??? I twist wrong and my entire body siezes up. This SUCKS!!!!
Made a chocolate cake today for my hubby's birthday. Well, I baked the cake part....then puked, then made him and Laurana ice it. lol. Now, I'm braving said chocolate cake....I just wanted to taste it. And guess what....I can't taste jack squat. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Now if it does come back up, it will have been for nothing.
Just finished Season 1 of Dexter. Love, love, love this show. Not sure exactly why, but I do.
Hoping to feel better tomorrow, until then......i'm outa here.
Made a chocolate cake today for my hubby's birthday. Well, I baked the cake part....then puked, then made him and Laurana ice it. lol. Now, I'm braving said chocolate cake....I just wanted to taste it. And guess what....I can't taste jack squat. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Now if it does come back up, it will have been for nothing.
Just finished Season 1 of Dexter. Love, love, love this show. Not sure exactly why, but I do.
Hoping to feel better tomorrow, until then......i'm outa here.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 3 part Deux
Brownies:
So, I'm trying to lose the weight I've gained. And today has been a day of not eating much. My stomach has been rolling most of the day, so I've only eaten a few pieces of toast w/ raw honey. So, as I sat here watching TV this evening, I'm being bombarded with commericals with this brownie pan. It's the "magic" brownie that cooks them seperated. (my mom actually has this pan). But every time it comes on I start drooling. I LOVE brownies. I love chocolate.....and yummy gooey thick brownies...OMG. Complete heaven on earth.
And then right after that, a commerical for McDonald's. Now, my stomach didn't want that, but geez. Here it is 10:43pm and all the commericals are about junk food. This is the time of day you really DON'T need to be eating. Eating right before bed is a no no. And now I sit here wanting a brownie.
And now I'm beating myself up for wanting a brownie. My head is screaming at me "that's one of the reason's you've gained so much weight" and my taste buds are screaming "we don't care....we want yummy brownies." And then there are my thighs and butt. They are letting me know they don't want to stretch out any further. And yet STILL I want the brownie. If it was actually in my house, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I would eat it. And then I'd HATE myself for giving into temptation. I hate this circle that happens when it comes to food. It's enough to make you crazy.
What 'People' are saying:
People keep telling me, I don't need to lose any more weight. And that makes me crazy. (are you seeing that I'm crazy most of the time?) I DO need to lose the weight. I'm inching up to 150lbs. The thought of that makes me completely nauseous. I worked so hard the past year, and it all seems to be gone. And I understand why people would tell me that. I haven't taken a workout pic of myself in a long time. They can't see what I do. They don't see that I've gone from a size 5 pant to a size 8-9. That my arms are just flat. That I have cottage cheese sliding down my legs. I HATE this. And at the moment can do nothing about it. And I hate that even more. As I sit here, bryan is off working out. And do you know what I did? I ate about 5 bites of banana pudding. WTF??? I'm off my frakkin' rocker. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'm trying to lose the weight I've gained. And today has been a day of not eating much. My stomach has been rolling most of the day, so I've only eaten a few pieces of toast w/ raw honey. So, as I sat here watching TV this evening, I'm being bombarded with commericals with this brownie pan. It's the "magic" brownie that cooks them seperated. (my mom actually has this pan). But every time it comes on I start drooling. I LOVE brownies. I love chocolate.....and yummy gooey thick brownies...OMG. Complete heaven on earth.
And then right after that, a commerical for McDonald's. Now, my stomach didn't want that, but geez. Here it is 10:43pm and all the commericals are about junk food. This is the time of day you really DON'T need to be eating. Eating right before bed is a no no. And now I sit here wanting a brownie.
And now I'm beating myself up for wanting a brownie. My head is screaming at me "that's one of the reason's you've gained so much weight" and my taste buds are screaming "we don't care....we want yummy brownies." And then there are my thighs and butt. They are letting me know they don't want to stretch out any further. And yet STILL I want the brownie. If it was actually in my house, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I would eat it. And then I'd HATE myself for giving into temptation. I hate this circle that happens when it comes to food. It's enough to make you crazy.
What 'People' are saying:
People keep telling me, I don't need to lose any more weight. And that makes me crazy. (are you seeing that I'm crazy most of the time?) I DO need to lose the weight. I'm inching up to 150lbs. The thought of that makes me completely nauseous. I worked so hard the past year, and it all seems to be gone. And I understand why people would tell me that. I haven't taken a workout pic of myself in a long time. They can't see what I do. They don't see that I've gone from a size 5 pant to a size 8-9. That my arms are just flat. That I have cottage cheese sliding down my legs. I HATE this. And at the moment can do nothing about it. And I hate that even more. As I sit here, bryan is off working out. And do you know what I did? I ate about 5 bites of banana pudding. WTF??? I'm off my frakkin' rocker. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 3
Mood: Blah
Weather: sunny and crisp
Sick: ME
I feel like utter crap. I'm nauseous, my ear hurts, throat, cough, headache......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Also, it almost feels like I'm high on some bad drug. Since I've never done any drugs, I'm purely guessing on that, but still. I'm all woozy and lightheaded, so I decided...what I fine time to blog. LOL.
There is so much going through my head right now. So I'll just let it spill out.
Friends: I have wonderful friends. The only problem being, they don't live close to me. Let me ponder.....Julia, David, and Pam live here. Is that it???? The rest of my friends are spread out all over the country....and in the Middle East right now (that would be Joe and Sean). For some of my friends, I've only actually met them once. For some, I haven't seen them since high school, and other's I only know online. But I truely cherish each and every one of them. I just wish I could be like other people and make friends easily. I really don't. It's hard for me to open up to new people. Strange then that I'm doing this blog....hmmmm....maybe I'm growing or something. I'm completely shy when I first meet someone. And ALOT of people tend to think I'm a total snob at first meet. But truely, I'm horrible at small talk. I run outa things to say and just stand/sit there just looking at them.
I also tend to make friends with guys more than girls. Why? I have no idea. And it's weird being friends with guys.....because you never can truely fit in. Or at least I don't tend to. Hard to explain how I feel...hmmmmm....picture me standing with my friend (a guy) and a group of his friends. I might as well not even exist. Because I'm one of those beings that's not a true tomboy, but also not a girlie girl, so they don't know what to do with me. Not sure that's coming out right, might have to re-visit this at a later date.
No workout again today. Feeling like crap. Wonder if sweating would help or hurt. I'm mostly worried that I wouldn't be able to breathe. Hmmmmmmm. And of course, wanting to do something so badly, yet not being able too is frakkin' crappy if I do say so myself.
Weather: sunny and crisp
Sick: ME
I feel like utter crap. I'm nauseous, my ear hurts, throat, cough, headache......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Also, it almost feels like I'm high on some bad drug. Since I've never done any drugs, I'm purely guessing on that, but still. I'm all woozy and lightheaded, so I decided...what I fine time to blog. LOL.
There is so much going through my head right now. So I'll just let it spill out.
Friends: I have wonderful friends. The only problem being, they don't live close to me. Let me ponder.....Julia, David, and Pam live here. Is that it???? The rest of my friends are spread out all over the country....and in the Middle East right now (that would be Joe and Sean). For some of my friends, I've only actually met them once. For some, I haven't seen them since high school, and other's I only know online. But I truely cherish each and every one of them. I just wish I could be like other people and make friends easily. I really don't. It's hard for me to open up to new people. Strange then that I'm doing this blog....hmmmm....maybe I'm growing or something. I'm completely shy when I first meet someone. And ALOT of people tend to think I'm a total snob at first meet. But truely, I'm horrible at small talk. I run outa things to say and just stand/sit there just looking at them.
I also tend to make friends with guys more than girls. Why? I have no idea. And it's weird being friends with guys.....because you never can truely fit in. Or at least I don't tend to. Hard to explain how I feel...hmmmmm....picture me standing with my friend (a guy) and a group of his friends. I might as well not even exist. Because I'm one of those beings that's not a true tomboy, but also not a girlie girl, so they don't know what to do with me. Not sure that's coming out right, might have to re-visit this at a later date.
No workout again today. Feeling like crap. Wonder if sweating would help or hurt. I'm mostly worried that I wouldn't be able to breathe. Hmmmmmmm. And of course, wanting to do something so badly, yet not being able too is frakkin' crappy if I do say so myself.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 2 part 2
So, I thought I was done blogging for the day, and then I almost coughed up a lung. OMG, it hurt sooooo bad. And then....and THEN, Laurana had water diahrrea. And then told me she felt like she was going to throw-up. And if that wasn't bad enough, as I was getting Colin ready for bed, I noticed the rash coming back. WTF???? We can NOT catch a break.
The moment I have the thought that things are swinging in the right direction, WHAM. And for me that never bodes well. Where is the silver lining?? How do I find it right now?? The more this lingers the crazier my mind gets.
And my heart is hurting for my friends that their father's are having serious health issues. I wish I could help them. It's almost a need to help them. But on is in Mass, the other in Central FL. Not easily accessible to me. Of course, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't want the sick queen around right now...lol.
I want to do more....be more.....but everyday I feel less deserving. Crazy I know. sigh
Thank you for reading this stuff. Living with depression is HARD. And I've really felt all alone for a long time. I had the 'nobody else feels like me' attitude. I was wrong.
The moment I have the thought that things are swinging in the right direction, WHAM. And for me that never bodes well. Where is the silver lining?? How do I find it right now?? The more this lingers the crazier my mind gets.
And my heart is hurting for my friends that their father's are having serious health issues. I wish I could help them. It's almost a need to help them. But on is in Mass, the other in Central FL. Not easily accessible to me. Of course, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't want the sick queen around right now...lol.
I want to do more....be more.....but everyday I feel less deserving. Crazy I know. sigh
Thank you for reading this stuff. Living with depression is HARD. And I've really felt all alone for a long time. I had the 'nobody else feels like me' attitude. I was wrong.
Day 2
Weather: rainy (blah)
Mood: Up and Down
Someone sick: yes
Anther day, another illness in this house. Colin woke up with a rash on his legs and arms. WTF??? It has since faded, but what the heck is that about? Ahhhhhhhhh
On the good side, instead of wanting to fall on the floor and cry, I started laughing. Yes, it might have been slightly hysterical laughing, but it's better than crying.
Since that lovely start of the day, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm laughing, I'm crying, I feel confident, I feel like a shell......and that was in about 20mins. To add to the depression, I'm also dealing with PMS. The week before 'the flow' is 1000x worse for me than the week of. I turn into a total bitch, and have NO control over my mouth. You make me mad? You better watch out. RAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR
I was thinking about this highschool band reunion that is coming up. Running through the pros and cons of going. Not sure any of my group are gonna be there. I haven't seen my girl friends from HS in OMG, 10-11yrs. Only one, Connie, have I seen in the last 4yrs. Geez.....how did I allow that to happen?
I'm horrible at keeping up with people. I truely despise talking on the phone, and am always afraid I'm bothering someone when I call them. I have a horrific fear of the phone. Don't know why....just always have. Facebook has helped me re-connect with people, but still, that's not as 'real' as seeing someone face to face.
I tend to smother my friends. Always afraid they're gonna get tired of me. I get antsy when I don't hear from them regurlaly. Afraid they've forgotten about me. So then I send out txts like "are you mad at me?" or "are we ok?" I mean, who wouldn't get tired of that crap? I would...lol.
No workout today. Just trying to disinfect my house. I call it Cleaning X.
Tune in tomorrow for more of.....Wildcat's ramblings....bwhahahahahaha
Mood: Up and Down
Someone sick: yes
Anther day, another illness in this house. Colin woke up with a rash on his legs and arms. WTF??? It has since faded, but what the heck is that about? Ahhhhhhhhh
On the good side, instead of wanting to fall on the floor and cry, I started laughing. Yes, it might have been slightly hysterical laughing, but it's better than crying.
Since that lovely start of the day, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm laughing, I'm crying, I feel confident, I feel like a shell......and that was in about 20mins. To add to the depression, I'm also dealing with PMS. The week before 'the flow' is 1000x worse for me than the week of. I turn into a total bitch, and have NO control over my mouth. You make me mad? You better watch out. RAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR
I was thinking about this highschool band reunion that is coming up. Running through the pros and cons of going. Not sure any of my group are gonna be there. I haven't seen my girl friends from HS in OMG, 10-11yrs. Only one, Connie, have I seen in the last 4yrs. Geez.....how did I allow that to happen?
I'm horrible at keeping up with people. I truely despise talking on the phone, and am always afraid I'm bothering someone when I call them. I have a horrific fear of the phone. Don't know why....just always have. Facebook has helped me re-connect with people, but still, that's not as 'real' as seeing someone face to face.
I tend to smother my friends. Always afraid they're gonna get tired of me. I get antsy when I don't hear from them regurlaly. Afraid they've forgotten about me. So then I send out txts like "are you mad at me?" or "are we ok?" I mean, who wouldn't get tired of that crap? I would...lol.
No workout today. Just trying to disinfect my house. I call it Cleaning X.
Tune in tomorrow for more of.....Wildcat's ramblings....bwhahahahahaha
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Day 1
My first day of blogging. Kinda scary for me. Putting my thoughts and dreams out into cyberspace. I'm no writer, and I have a tendecy to ramble, but I feel like I need to put down what's happening with my life. Maybe sharing my experiences will inspire/help others.
My name is Frances Ann. I'm 31yrs old and the mother of two kids. A girl who just turned 5 and a son who just turned 3. My husband is a preacher and a middle school teacher. So to say the least, I'm a very busy person.
This time last year I was striving to be in the best shape of my life. And I finally got there. I'm 5'10" and weighed in at 127. I was in the middle of a wonderful round of P90X, and was a member of an online group that supported me to no end. You see, in September I was to dress as a female Spartan at the sci-fi/fantasy/comic/pop culture/gaming convention called Dragon Con. And I did it. And I loved every moment of it.
I thought that I was part of a family in my online group. A supportive family. That ended up not being so. To some members, my costume wasn't up to par (as being the only girl, I had to come up with my own "Spartan bikini") and suddenly I felt like I wasn't good enough. My confidence was shattered. And no matter how much my husband and friends tried to tell me how great I looked, all I could here was I wasn't good enough.
And those thoughts have brought me to where I am today. I've gained 20lbs, and can hardly find the motivation to workout. Along with that, either I or my kids have been sick since Jan. 5th. I'd gain a little momentum in my workouts then WHAM sick again.
I've been dealing with depression for a number of years now, and let me tell you, having looked soooo good, to losing all my confidence in myself, to being sick and not working out.....I've fallen into a deep depression. I'm on medication (Paxil) but somedays even that doesn't help. I see pictures of myself from last year, and I don't even know who that is anymore. I want to find that girl again....but I'm so lost I'm scared I don't know how.
At this moment, I'm still sick, but I want to start my journey back. So I thought this would be a good starting point. Each day I'll be listing how I feel, what has happened in my mind, and my workouts. Here's to hoping I find a way to deal with it all. Maybe I'll find a connection between my depression and how I feel working out. I don't know....but I'm ready to find out.
My name is Frances Ann. I'm 31yrs old and the mother of two kids. A girl who just turned 5 and a son who just turned 3. My husband is a preacher and a middle school teacher. So to say the least, I'm a very busy person.
This time last year I was striving to be in the best shape of my life. And I finally got there. I'm 5'10" and weighed in at 127. I was in the middle of a wonderful round of P90X, and was a member of an online group that supported me to no end. You see, in September I was to dress as a female Spartan at the sci-fi/fantasy/comic/pop culture/gaming convention called Dragon Con. And I did it. And I loved every moment of it.
I thought that I was part of a family in my online group. A supportive family. That ended up not being so. To some members, my costume wasn't up to par (as being the only girl, I had to come up with my own "Spartan bikini") and suddenly I felt like I wasn't good enough. My confidence was shattered. And no matter how much my husband and friends tried to tell me how great I looked, all I could here was I wasn't good enough.
And those thoughts have brought me to where I am today. I've gained 20lbs, and can hardly find the motivation to workout. Along with that, either I or my kids have been sick since Jan. 5th. I'd gain a little momentum in my workouts then WHAM sick again.
I've been dealing with depression for a number of years now, and let me tell you, having looked soooo good, to losing all my confidence in myself, to being sick and not working out.....I've fallen into a deep depression. I'm on medication (Paxil) but somedays even that doesn't help. I see pictures of myself from last year, and I don't even know who that is anymore. I want to find that girl again....but I'm so lost I'm scared I don't know how.
At this moment, I'm still sick, but I want to start my journey back. So I thought this would be a good starting point. Each day I'll be listing how I feel, what has happened in my mind, and my workouts. Here's to hoping I find a way to deal with it all. Maybe I'll find a connection between my depression and how I feel working out. I don't know....but I'm ready to find out.
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